Capt. Rodchester P. Quimby of the S.S Turkish Deli

this.

Goddamnit. I am updating this thing. It has been months.

For those who aren't aware, I am back in the NYC. Being home was fun, but now to get back to business. I've been in classes for about a week and a half. I only have classes two days a week so I NEED A JOB so i don't get bored. If I get bored, I get depressed. If I get depressed, I can't work. If I can't work, I can't stay in school. If I can't stay in school...I don't even want to think about it.

This is kind of the reason I'm updating. I need something to do. I am very homesick, and I need to contact my therapist from last semester. I need to figure things out. I don't have many friends up here, and I feel like I've missed a lot socially. Everyone else has had a chance to meet, make friends, etc. I barely remember names, and I get so nervous that I can't talk...that's why it's good Ian and Jesse and Willie are here, well, closer at least, because I get a chance every once in a while to be goofy/clever. I am so hungry.

I also screwed up in class royally today. Instead of reading the Colossus of Massouri by Henry Miller. In my zeal Sunday to prepare for studying, I didn't pay attention when I stuffed Henry James' Washington Square in my bag. I read that instead, not even considering that I wasn't even reading non-fiction...from pre-WWII Greece...but I thought it was the right book because there is talk of travel (the class is called Traveller's Tales...about travel literature) and it is a picture of NYC in the 1840's, which I thought was in keeping with the curriculum. So when I went to class, realized that I had the wrong book. I tried to make myself scarce but no, the Gods of the Addled failed to shine their merciful countenance upon me, and I had to admit the whole thing. The professor was difficult to read, because he's a very sarcastic person I think...he was like, "You read WASHINGTON SQUARE? That's a novel! Will you read the assigned Chatwin for next week, or will you read Proust? I mean come on...". I felt like dying. I thought about staying after to explain that I'm not stupid, just absent-minded and I'm in a chaotic period in my life. But I didn't, I'll probably send an e-mail. I don't want them to regret my acceptance.

I have class later, I'll see ya, call me if you wanna chat.

YES, everybody, yale is coming home to roost. i'm keeping this quick. i am now at a comfort inn in west virginia, with my mom, my dad, and a family friend. i'm keeping them up typing. anyhoo, i'll be home tomorrow afternoon, and i'll basically be home all week fighting off the FUCKING STREP THROAT the hospital gods gave to me, for fun.
they will receive no offering this solstice.

anyhoo, it will be safe for you to come visit, call me or e-mail me to let me know, because i will be home and pants are OPTIONAL.

oh plus, just to be clear: i will go back to school next semester, i've sorted all that out so that's all settled.


THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING THE BEST FRIENDS A BOY COULD EVER HOPE FOR. i''ve never been sick like this so it helps to know you guys are there for me at least in spirit. night night everybody.

i get out of the hospital tomorrow! probably! unless something else goes wrong, but i'm healthy.


THANKS FOR EVERYBODY'S SUPPORT!

I AM STILL ALIVE. it is a bit hard to type, just an fyi. call if you want to know more.

cassandra is in town! we're going to the zoo tomorrow! yay!

as you can see, or not, i don't know, but anyway, it is 6:18 as i write this. no, i am not up because i am camping or just because. for the second night in a week i haven't slept. not a single fucking wink. really full blown insomnia. i don't know what it is exactly, it could be one or a combination of the following, most likely a cruel slurry of them all:

allergies. new york is full of them and is a polluted, dirty place.
everything doesn't work like i'm used to, or within the bounds of logic or reason.
my bed is horrible. it is like i am a five year old in this fucking twin bed. it doesn't fit me. if i move down, my feet are flat on the wall. move to far up and, well, ask my neck and shoulders and elbows what they think about that idea. WHY IS EVERYONE SO GODDAMNED SHORT EVERYWHERE? i am either one of the tallest guys, for the most part, there are a few on par with me but for the most part all these city people are tiny. which i guess is good, if you have to live in one of these uber-small dwellings. i have no storage space, i got some stuff but i've been so busy with class and shit that i haven't really had time to work on setting myself up completely. which is why the broom (YES, A BROOM) keeps falling on my head as i try to sleep away from the wall, so i don't bust my noggin against it again. YES, there is a bruise.
there's all this getting used-to left to do. i knew this going in and everybody knows this anyway, but it is a very different way of life up here. it is so different and mere visitors have no idea. for example: apparently, you cannot buy shampoo at a grocery store! yes, it requires two VERY expensive trips! HOW THE FUCK DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS? i'm sure i'll get used to it, i have to.

let me say something else. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE MEDIA: NYC IS NOT ALL IT IS CRACKED UP TO BE. this may have been true in the first 50 years of the 20th century, but it is certainly not true in the latter half and the present. NYC, besides a few very significant life-style management changes, is really actually no different than anywhere else on the planet. it is all bars, shops, and tourist sites, and the museums are nice but, well...they're museums. they're kind of out of the running in general, because they are big and need big buildings and rich people to pay for them, but louisville for example has a very nice museum system that is getting of the ground, largely because of a flattening world. NY just happens to have a very good PR plan. NY will tell you that it is the greatest city in the world, that it's a great place to...DO WHAT? NOTHING? it's all the fucking same as anywhere else and maybe it's just me but i don't need a "scene" to be creative. that is why the current trends in writing (for example) are so difficult to pin down historically: it is because it is happening all at the same time, with no geographic centers, thus, it has no central geo-political/socio-economic basis for it's existence. tack on the fact that there has been no great war for the last 20 years (the middle east thing has been going on for years and there are equivalent on-going US military "interests" elsewhere, or they at least occurred in recent years, equivalent in the loss of american life and the injustice they deal both sides) and we have a society in flux, and the very idea of a viable central scene in a cultural/artistic sense is ludicrous. it is not the greatest city in the world, there is no sky here, not a real one at least. basically, i am not impressed. i may just be bitching now because i'm still up at now 6:31 and my apartment is too small and everything is too small in general and i am sitting on a mirror right now. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO PUT IT. but the truth of the matter is, anything that you really could only experience in NYC at one time is experienceable everywhere else now. DO YOU KNOW WHY CBGB's or whatever the hell it's called is getting shut down/or is bankrupt? because people don't have to flock to be part of a scene. people don't need to flock at all. i am here because there is a school here that wants me. FINE. i'll stay, just because i'm not going to let the most egotistical town in the world beat me. i'll get what i want from it and go back the fuck home, or somewhere THAT HAS BREATHABLE AIR, REAL GROUND, REAL TREES and doesn't have its head so far up its own ass it doesn't understand why people think of it the way they do. no, i'm not saying all the bad stereotypes are true. i also realize i have never lived anywhere else, and i admit that i am extremely homesick.

i am tired and i am angry. this is what my therapist told me we would work on. she is a nice lady. people are nice up here. kind of like the way people were polite to one another while the titanic sank.

hmmm...oh yeah. i was just waking up.freshmen year, bob and tom were on the radio, as usual. curtis had already gone to class because if he hadn't he would have yelled at me about the radio. bob and tom had a newsflash, i turned on the regular news. they said it was a freak accident as i turned on the tv, the first tower was burning, and it was live and A SECOND PLANE plowed into the other tower. i remember thinking, "how the fuck can that happen twice?". i had to go to class and i saw my friend matt on the way and he told me about it and i told him i saw it on the tv. then there was a lot of a hulabaloo, and then everybody wouldn't stop watching the news, and i remember wanting to watch my shows, but no one would let me watch my shows.they said that cartoons weren't as important. everybody watched fox news. back when it was a fledgling cable network. remember msnbc? i know it's still there but not really. i don't even like msnbc but i hate fox more. then it became apparent as to why it all happened, then me and my friend joey started arguing about how he thought we should go get them and i told him that they were already dead, the ones responsible, and he thought it was saddam and then we fought some and then we stopped being friends.

like chris said in subsequent years we made jokes about terrorist day except i think it's not because we're trying to deal it's because we're bastards.

needless to say if you call me with greetings about happy terrorist day, i will not respond in kind, mostly because i live here now and such action will, not might but will get me killed.

also: HOUSE? WHY ALIENS NOW? YOU WERE ACTUALLY AN INTERESTING SHOW FOR THE BIT I WATCHED YOU, NOW YOU'VE DECIDED TO GO INSANE. IF YOU HAD A FACE I'D PUNCH YOU IN IT.

that is all.

Okay that is true...I can't bring myself to do it. I should shower, I should do a lot of things...I am so FUCKING BORED. i don't know anybody on this end of town, and i can't wait for classes to start.

I have started reading everybody's stuff for the workshop. I can't tell how I stack up. I don't want to make a splash or anything, I have no illusions about competition...there is no competition. i just feel out of my league...maybe i'm being hysterical, i don't know.

i did some work today, i sent my work in...it is so fucking scary, you have no idea. i have no one up here to bounce things off of...it's just such a big goddamned deal.

like, i have to perform and i don't know if i'm adequate. how can you tell? what the fuck makes me worthy? this is a lot of whining, i know. it is also very self-centered but this is fucking the purpose of the livejournal, right?

basically i am a fucking philistine.

my orientation begins today. apparently, i already have homework. oh well. i hope i look all right, first impressions are everything, you know.

so begins the great experiment.

HEY! THE SAVED BY THE BELL KIDS ARE PERFORMING SWAN LAKE! I HAVEN'T DRESSED YET!!! WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO...oh yeah. laundry. poop. shower. show. show the poop.


icky. i can't believe this show was considered "good" by me at one point.

i also woke up and watched anaconda.

because i have no cable channels.

well, i have tbs, tnt, and the network stations. the rest is like two shopping channels, four spanish language channels, one japanese spanish channels, and as far as i can tell a fox network preview channel. in nyc, this is considered basic cable programming.

jesse spanno. i've seen your box.

yeah...fuck the trains for being all off and shit. i like walking but hell...come on guys.

i also managed to make a cabbie throw me out of his cab because i was an idiot. times square sucks my fat nuts.

i need to quit getting turned around. it's like, i never needed to ever find out where i was going where i was living...now i need to know directions and shit. it's a lot to learn.

i also went to my first poetry reading in nyc...i was under the impression that others besides the club throwing the thing would be there. it was all right, though, the people who were on the bill to read had some good stuff. the only other problem was i was really hungry and i couldn't get the damned waitress' attention...i was trying to be quiet so i didn't bother anyone and i couldn't figure out a way to discretely say, "YO! SWEATY FATTY NEEDS FOOD!".

i was out pretty quick and in my zeal to get home i figured i'd just grab something near home. THEN I GOT LOST AGAIN (this is when the cabbie business went down, I made it downtown just fine)...

i need to figure this shit out soon, or i fear i will die, as it is becoming apparent that i am unfit. I'M HERE FOR SCHOOL, SCHOOL IS ACROSS THE STREET, I AM GOOD AT SCHOOL.

that's better. i am going to wait on this horrible shit i've ordered, eat it, watch a movie, and sleep.

i need to fix my metabolic intake, as well.

so much time, so little to do. no, wait, scratch that and reverse it.

yeah, that's the big question for today. kind of one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't situations"...i don't have an umbrella, so i can't go out today without getting royally hosed. so i can't go out to buy an umbrella. i wouldn't know where to find one anyway. oh well. even so if it does let up i'm gonna go to a poetry reading, not an open mic or anything like that, just because i think i need to start making my way into the whole scene. so, i think i should shower.

also, i'm very excited as amber's band liberation prophecy is doing a show here tomorrow. that will be fun, it will be nice to see another familiar face around here.

actually it's nowhere near where i am but you get the idea.

ok, so confession time. yes, i've been updating more, because i'm starting to feel disconnected. everybody call me so i don't become an internet hermit.

which is when you update about everything:

today i wrote a letter to my dad that took three hours. i have to shit now. he's still pissed at me.

so, uh, yeah. ummm...new york is massive. like really huge. you thought it was a long trip down to the chemists', but that's just peanuts to new york.

anyway all my friends live on the other side of town. as of right now i live with a chinese guy (nice, helped me move in, but doesn't speak a lot of english so that kind of makes things difficult), and an australian guy, who's apparently germaphobic and has horses in australia. that can't be true, because if i remember my commercials correctly: fosters is to beer as horsey is to kangaroo. so he would have said kangaroos. i don't know. he's pretty chill. the greek guy is "out", and the other guy is subletting his apartment to the australian guy (in case anyone's count is off, this is the guy from brooklyn).

the strand is an awesome bookstore.

also, i haven't run into half as many bums as i did in louisville, and so far the bums have been well dressed and polite! harumph!

lessee...pissed off family by being a prick...check...

like i said willy and jesse and ian live across town, so it's always a big decision (as far as i see it) to go hang out. if that sounds ridiculous, consider the fact that just by the number of streets there are two louisvilles between us. yes. they live below the numbered streets and i live on 118th. combine that with the fact that i hardly speak to my roomies much (it's more like bathroomies because that's pretty much all we share...i don't give a crap, i don't want to make friends with those i live with because those friends in my observation can become enemies FAST) i get pretty lonely sometimes.

also, the advice "oh, just go get lost in the city! it'll be fun!" does NOT WORK. the fun part. I've been lost once on the subway (which created a sense of desperation, that sense inducing a sharpness of mind that allowed me to understand this new aspect of my environment with crystal clarity, so a plus there) amd lost once on foot (i'm sorry, it is true white people, that harlem is very scary at night. try walking down "malcolm x blvd." alone in a drizzle and trying to look fierce (something yours truly cannot say he excels at...i puffed out my chest, walked a bit taller with a "don't fuck with me/i'm only slightly befuddled" grimace on my face. i also drooled a bit to show that i was bloodthirsty.

or not. the fact is you're a racist.

anyhoo, i got netflix which promises to be awesome...and to answer everyone's last question, no, i have not spent every night being drunk.

ok, you people bore me now.

no scratch that part call me. also i owe shannon ten bucks.

tell her i'm sorry i forgot and i'll make the arrangements. that sounded socratic-deathbeddy, didn't it?

well, i'm in nyc now, drive wasn't horrible, parking was. I HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING AS IT IS FUCKING EXPENSIVE. gonna sign my lease, had to sleep with a bunch of strangers, call me.

YESTERDAY WAS MY LAST DAY AT EVIL HUMANA! YAAAAAAAAY! let's party i felled asleep last night.

hey everybody, nobody gives a shit but here goes:

i'm moving up to NYC for school on the 20th of August. I have a g/f now. She's pretty kick-ass. Livin' it up, and whatnot. I've got my classes squared away, pretty certain, at least. I took a day off today, we both did. Ran around, basketball (the fake kind), etc.

I also have new shoes, shades and specs, my last day of work is on the 4th of August. Yale's indpendence day.

yeah so somebody throw me a going-away party soon.

DR SHARK BIRD IS REAL.

that is all.

I'M OFF FOR A WHOLE WEEEK WE SHOULD DO SOMETHNG

I WANNA GETS DRUNK IT B PAYDAY

I AM SICK OF BEING BORED.

I AM BORED OF BEING SICK.

FUCK! also, yeah, yeah, we're all aware of the fact that it is 6/6/06. ok. i get it. i'm actually annoyed that i can't go out to watch all the kids misconstrue numerology.

that movie's gonna suck, you know.


I AM SO BORED.